Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
