you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
