yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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