i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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