I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
