dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize