SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
