I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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