i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
