We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
