8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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