You're my little dorito
I can tuck mytits in my pants
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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