is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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