you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You may now shotgun with the bride
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
