Did you just see the Batmobile???
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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