Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
