We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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