My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
