I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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