I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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