so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
