He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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