She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
