I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
