mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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