I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
