i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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