Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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