1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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