one two three fourrrrnication!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
