I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
