; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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