Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize