So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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