ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
