And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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