Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just puked most of my soul out..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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