hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
