this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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