first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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