The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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