I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
