"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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