i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As shirtless as possible
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
