Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
