I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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