Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
