I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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