And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
