Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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