we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
