I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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