if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
