oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
