I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
