he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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