Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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