You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
