Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize