oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
