There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
