All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
