oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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