sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Your penis caused this!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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