and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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