This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
