I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
