What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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