Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I AM VODKA MAN
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
