i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
